he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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