at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
