i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
