I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
