At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
