all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
