did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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