ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
