My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
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