I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We are two peas in an std pod
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
