I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
