is your mom at the bar?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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