I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
