I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
