Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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