Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
