; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
