I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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