Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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