ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
