I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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