You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
