we have pet lesbian snakes
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize