The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
