I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
