He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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