Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
