God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
