Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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