my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
