I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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