Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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