I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
