Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
