wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
