i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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