Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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