If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
