JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
