We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
worst night to have a conscience
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize