Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Randomize
