My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
