How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
