I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
