i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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