I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
