i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My pussy is not your playground.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
