if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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