I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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