I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
