i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
