Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize