Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
