when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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