I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
