I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Still dying that you shit outside
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
