i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
