This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
