just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
a search helicopter?!
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
