dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
