Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
