the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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