I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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