It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
