this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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