im drinking this country out of the recession.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
