My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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