So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
