you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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