Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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