Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
