i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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