i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
