Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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