I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
