she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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