he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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