Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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