I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
