Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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