no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize