Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
