I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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