You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize