you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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