Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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