she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I wear drunk well.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
