I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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