My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
