How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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