Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize